As the Baby Boomer generation marches toward retirement, it takes with it an amazing generation of gays and lesbians. Sometimes termed the "Stonewall Generation," these are the people who truly witnessed the birth of the gay rights movement in the United States.

Their experiences in a culture just coming to terms with the concept of being "out" have created a unique situation as they deal with the challenges that accompany the aging process. From housing to self-identity, the "gray gays" are taking retirement by storm.

When it comes to aging, reports for gays and lesbians paint one of two very different images. Either you should expect to lose your home, your income, and your dignity; or you will be bolstered by self-esteem while being surrounded by like-minded individuals—probably somewhere sunny. The former scenario is one in which a surviving partner is forced from his home by homophobic relatives, has no access to the deceased’s social security, and ends up in a nursing home where poorly-educated aides treat their gay patients while wearing surgical gloves. The latter situation is one where an individual or couple finds a gay-centered retirement community in Palm Springs or Santa Fe and lives out their golden years golfing and watching old movies in the community center.

While both of these situations are playing themselves out across the United States every day, the truth for most aging gay people is somewhere in between. There are a number of factors that influence the retirement experience.

How Old is Old?

Age, for example, makes a significant difference in an individual’s post-retirement life. Sandy Davidson, General Manager for Spokane’s Brighton Court assisted living facility, points out that the oldest members of the population may not even self-identify as gay. For them and their more self-aware counterparts, the likelihood of children is extremely small, which certainly affects the retirement lifestyle. For other retirees, the kids may either care for an older parent or will be involved in choosing a retirement community. "Gay society typically doesn’t have that," Davidson explains. Both that and possible severed family ties leave many of the oldest gays and lesbians with no caretakers as they reach advanced age.

Many of the members of this older group may not have come out until later in life. These individuals sometimes find that they don’t truly feel connected to either the gay or straight communities. Because so many of the resources available are geared toward youth, many older people did not (and do not) benefit from the same kind of support. For them, neither a traditional nor a specialized retirement community may seem like a good fit.

Discrimination is Discrimination

It turns out that gays and lesbians may have a bit of an advantage over their heterosexual friends when it comes to aging. Having faced a significant amount of discrimination throughout the course of one’s life, a gay individual is likely to have done some serious self evaluation and come to accept and embrace his or her own identity. Many heterosexuals are not confronted with a comparable type of discrimination until they first experience ageism. The result is disillusionment and the need to bolster one’s sense of self. Having gone through this experience decades before, the transition to retirement age can be somewhat easier for gays and lesbians.

The types of support systems in place can also positively impact the aging process. Members of the older generations especially rely on a network of friends, rather than extended family. This can also be impacted by the need to remain secretive about one’s sexual identity at work. Rather than creating ties through one’s career, an individual is more likely to keep friends and work as separate aspects of life. This means that relationships are more likely to continue past the point of retirement, allowing for continued friendship and support.

It’s Not All Good News

There are some very specific factors that can negatively impact the retirement of gays and lesbians, however. Legal issues abound when it comes to inheritance and property rights. Studies show that gays are only half as likely to have health insurance as heterosexuals, and they are twice as likely to live alone. The sheer loss experienced by many of the Baby Boomer generation during the AIDS crisis brings with it psychological trauma that affects these men and women.

The circumstances of any given retirement or nursing home can also severely impact the residents who live there. It is not uncommon to hear stories of gay residents who are moved from quarters to quarters because of roommates who refuse to live with them. Many of those who struggled so hard to be able to come out are being shoved right back into the closet out of fear of discrimination in both their medical care and their daily living situations. There have even been reported cases where couples who live in the same retirement home agree not to visit one another for their own safety.

Better Retirement Options

In order to put some of the luster back into the golden years of many gays and lesbians, there has been a movement toward gay-centered retirement communities. Places like Rainbow Vision in New Mexico offer residents the opportunity to enjoy their retirement experience among other gay couples and individuals. These communities will often host dances and other social events that allow residents to mix and mingle. Nurses are on duty and all of the other amenities expected of a retirement facility are included.

There are not a lot of these types of retirement communities already in operation, but it is most definitely a growing market, especially in Florida, California, and New Mexico. Davidson is optimistic about the situation in facilities that aren’t gay-centered, too. "I think that more companies that managed nursing homes realized that there is power in the gay dollar, and we’re seeing the discrimination as being pretty minimal." Here in the Northwest, many folks find camaraderie through gay senior citizens groups. Even these are not very common, however, so support can be hard for the aging individual to find.